Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
