just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
