I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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