She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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