his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
