There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
