Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
