we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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