I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
