guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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