You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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