Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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