Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
