if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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