so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Still dying that you shit outside
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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