My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
