I just pynch a tree in the face
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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