don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
