He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
