Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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