You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
