I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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