but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Say something about gay babies.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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