dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
