I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
