my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Small penises have feelings too.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
