guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
