when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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