Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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