1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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