On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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