Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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