I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I want to fling myself into the sun
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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