the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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