Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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