how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
