you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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