I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
