oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
