Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
