dude i'm inner monologue high
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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