if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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