Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish i was in the wii world.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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