My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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