haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
