After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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