Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
