You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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