if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
