yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
