i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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