He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
