we have pet lesbian snakes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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