I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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