You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
