were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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