If that was your dad, he is hot
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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