That's intense
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
