I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
