I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
