My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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