In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize