Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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