Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
someone threw a dead crab at me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
