dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
