Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
