If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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