I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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