Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
