Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
